


I'm Your Defender

by vivaforever597



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Queer Themes, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-21 14:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7391833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivaforever597/pseuds/vivaforever597
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes even magical girls need support. Luckily, Ami and Makoto have found it in each other... even if they don't know just how much else they've found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was originally meant to be a short one-shot based on Gabriella Cilmi's "[Defender](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OmX7Bjp8ZA)," which aside from being a beautiful song is, I think, a really beautiful encapsulation of what I love about Ami and Makoto's relationship - how they defend each other from their various troubles, whether physical or emotional. But I ended up working through this scene and finding that it didn't really address what I wanted to do with the song on a larger scale, so I'm leaving it open and plan to add some more chapters, though they'll be fairly episodic.
> 
> Also, mutual pining because BEST TROPE EVER.
> 
> T for occasional profanity and very occasional, mild sexual references.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurt/comfort. CW for discussion of death.

_When nobody's listening_  
_When you get lost in the crowd_  
_When you don't have the answer_  
_I'll help you figure it out_

Ami sat across the table from Makoto, the only one who hadn't yet left the day's study session. She didn't know how long she had been engrossed in her biology text, but she was drawn out of it by a soft rustling noise. She looked up to see Makoto turned to gaze out of the window, her chin resting in her hand. At first, Ami smiled to herself - it made the perfect picture of Makoto's dreamier side, her blank stare indicating she was somewhere far from Ami's living room. But then she noticed a small wet streak running along Makoto's cheek. One that looked an awful lot like the trail of a teardrop.

She lowered her book to the table - setting it down gently so the sound wouldn't jar her friend. ( _Friend_ , said an annoying voice in the back of her head. _Sure._ ) "Mako-chan?" she asked softly. "Are you all right?"

Makoto shook her head a little bit while turning to face Ami, as if to shake herself out of her reverie. And Ami had been right - the wet trail stretched from the inner corner of Mako's eye before winding down her cheek, with a smaller one from the opposite eye. "I'm fine," she muttered. Ami frowned. She'd heard that tone before: it was the one Mako took when she was trying to cover something up, usually because she wanted to spare her friends something.

Ami quickly marked her page and closed her book, then reached across to grasp Makoto's fingers with hers. "You're not a very good liar, Mako-chan," she said quietly.

The other girl snorted softly. "I ... Something reminded me of my parents," she admitted, using her free hand to pick up the novel in her lap to implicate it. Ami nodded. The book they'd been reading for their English class. The parents were alive, but the father absent and the mother grieving, leaving the children to find solace in each other... she could see how it could remind Makoto of her own situation.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ami offered gently.

"I am ... it's ..." Makoto's breath caught, the muscle under her eye twitching.

Ami silently rose from her seat to kneel next to Makoto and place an arm around her shoulders. "You can cry with me, you know," she said. Makoto shook her head, but her jaw began shaking anyway. Ami wrapped her other arm around Makoto's front to hold her in a sideways hug. Finally, Makoto leaned over to rest her head against Ami's chest. At first, Ami thought she was only resting, but as she looked closer, she saw the girl's mouth was open, her nose scrunched up in a sobbing motion, even though tears weren't flowing from her.

Ami continued holding her as she rode the emotion out, sometimes emitting a vocal sob, but mostly gasping for air and pressing her head against Ami. Obviously she needed the support, Ami thought, then smiled wanly to herself. The emotional support as well as the physical, she realized.

Finally, Makoto seemed to come back to herself, pulling away from Ami and reaching up to wipe her tears. She sniffled and looked at Ami with a strange expression.

"Do you need anything?" Ami asked.

Makoto nodded. "Just some d... dee... decongestant," she whispered. "I got all stuffed up." Ami tried to hide her smile, but it flashed across her face for just an instant. Luckily, it prompted one from her companion. "Isn't that stupid?" Makoto whispered. "I cried so hard I can't breathe. Isn't that..." She sniffled some more. "Isn't that just s... stupid?" Ami sensed another crying jag and preemptively pulled Makoto back into a hug. This one lasted only a few seconds, until Makoto drew in a long breath through her mouth then let it out with a whoosh. "To cry till I can't breathe. You must think I'm the dumbest thing..." But she didn't move to leave Ami's embrace.

Ami shook her head and looked down into Makoto's eyes. "No, no. It's not dumb," she said in her best soothing tone. "It just makes me sad too." She impulsively leaned down to place a kiss on the very top of Makoto's head, not allowing herself to fully feel the urge to kiss her lips instead. "Want that decongestant?" she asked. Makoto nodded and smiled self-consciously. "Come on," Ami murmured, "let's get you on the couch."

A few moments later, she returned with a pill and a cup of water to find Makoto sitting where she'd left her, staring at her lap until she lifted her head to see Ami approaching. Ami lifted the pill and water as if indicating a delicious meal, then smiled and sat next to the girl. "Here," she said simply, offering Makoto the pill, then the water. Makoto drained the glass and set it at her feet, then turned to see Ami watching her kindly.

She smiled thinly. "I must look pretty ridiculous, huh?"

A strange look took over Ami's face. It looked like a cross between concern and reassurance, and ... something Makoto couldn't quite place. "Not at all," Ami protested. "I understand. I ..." She thought of her own absentee parents. "I get it."

Makoto took her hand - the thing she'd been wanting to do for so long, but at last had the opportunity to do without Ami thinking it was strange. _She'll just think I need support. Which I do, I guess_ , she thought. "You're so good to us, Ami-chan," she said. "You're... so good to me." Impulsively she leaned over to kiss Ami's cheek. Normally she'd never have let herself do it, but since Ami had kissed her head earlier...

Why was doing this with Ami so hard? she wondered. She'd chased after plenty of boys without losing her nerve. Was it because Ami was a girl? (Yes.) Was it because she was scared of ruining their friendship that she so treasured? (Yes.)

Or was it because there was something deeper than there had been with the boys? (Yes to that too. And that was the scariest part.)

Ami was blushing - whether from the compliment or the kiss, she didn't know. "You're always protecting me, Mako-chan," she said quietly. "It was time for me to do the same for you."

Makoto nodded. She didn't like letting other people do things for her. But maybe, if it was Ami, it was all right...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book Makoto's reading is meant to be _A Wrinkle in Time_ , one of my favorites. And if you think the lines about "Was it because Ami was a girl?" and "Was there something deeper than with the boys?" mean I'm implying not just that Makoto's feelings for Ami are deeper than her past crushes, but that she's a lesbian trying to convince herself she likes boys ...
> 
> ... Well, you're right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. CW for vague discussion of homophobia.

_I won't let you down_  
_As long as you live, I will keep you from harm_  
_If they wanna get to you_  
_They'll have to get through me first_

Ami sighed as she walked into Makoto's apartment, her bookbag slipping down her arm as though she was just admitting defeat to gravity.

From the kitchen, Makoto looked over her shoulder to see her guest. "Hi, Ami-chan!" she said brightly. "I'm just about to put some cookies in the oven."

"Oh, good," Ami murmured vaguely. Makoto frowned to herself and came out of the kitchen to face her.

She looked carefully at her best friend's face. "What's wrong, Ami-chan?" she asked.

Ami shook her head. "Just a long day," she said, even more quietly than usual.

Makoto put her hands on her hips. "I can tell you're lying," she said. She took hold of Ami's arm and pulled her to the couch, though her grasp was gentle, kind. Like the girl herself, Ami thought. "Did someone hurt you?" Makoto demanded. "I'll go punch them if you want."

Ami had to smile in spite of herself. She had no doubt that sweet, gentle Makoto would do just that if she asked — with no regard for the reputation she'd worked so hard to build, or rather, the one she'd worked so hard to destroy. "No, don't punch anyone," Ami said. "Today just made me feel ... like an outsider." She paused. "People already thought I was a bit of a freak. The weirdo loner with her nose in a book all the time."

Makoto nodded. She'd noticed it from time to time. Even when someone didn't think Ami was strange, they sometimes took her intellect for granted. The latter was mostly a problem with her parents and teachers, but sometimes classmates too. Even Usagi seemed to forget from time to time that Ami was a real person, not just a brain to help her study.

Makoto hoped she never did.

"And now that they know I'm a _gay_ nerd..." Ami sucked the air through her front teeth and never finished her sentence.

"Oh. Ohhh," Makoto cooed. She circled her arms around Ami and pulled her toward herself. "You say that like it's a bad thing!" she said lightly.

Ami smiled, as Makoto had wanted, and shifted so her back was to Makoto, then let herself fall against the bigger girl whose arms still encircled her. "People seem to think it is," she muttered.

"Well, I don't." Makoto kissed the top of her head — not for the first time since that day Ami had first kissed her. "You're _my_ gay nerd," she muttered darkly, "and if anyone has a problem with it, well, they'll have to go through me first."

Ami sighed again, trying not to think too much about what Makoto could have meant by " _my_ gay nerd." She tilted her head back, and immediately had to keep from thinking about how it was resting right between Mako-chan's breasts. Which would have been easier if she hadn't noticed her heart beat faster when Makoto's sweet, soft face came into view. "You should probably finish up those cookies," she said. "And I ought to get my books out..."

Makoto smiled down at her. "Yeah, I should," she murmured. But she didn't move to get up, too distracted thinking of what she _had_ really meant by her words, and trying not to think too much about Ami's reaction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am THE BEST at writing action/battle scenes, you guys. ESPECIALLY at making my monsters unique and totally non-generic.
> 
> Anyway, I apparently am not getting any sleep tonight (two and a half hours till I have to be at the airport for a flight out to a two-day job interview, eeek!), so I figured I'd at least write this up. Btw, I've updated the tags to show five chapters, because there's something I want to come back to from this chapter that I didn't have the narrative space to explore, so it'll be inserted at the end in an epilogue.

_When warheads are flying_   
_When bombs are hitting the ground_   
_When you can't see through the fire_   
_You know I'll pull you out_

"Mars Snake Fire!"

"Jupiter Coconut Cyclone!"

"Venus Love-Me Chain!"

"Mercury Aqua M—"

There was a flash as a bolt of electricity projected from the monster to hit Ami square in the stomach, knocking her to the ground in the midst of her call. Makoto gasped. It was far from the first time one of them had been knocked out in battle, but this time something inside her urged her to drop her offensive tactic and rush to Ami's side. Something that didn't feel quite like her motherly instincts.

"Jupiter!" Minako's voice called her back to attention. "Focus!"

Immediately, Makoto knew what she needed to do. What she was capable of, in this battle beyond any others. _So this is what a thirst for revenge feels like_ , she thought.

"Jupiter Coconut Cyclone!" she cried again. Her attacks came even harder and faster than usual, weakening the monster — but not destroying it. Her anger roiled inside of her. She wanted this thing gone _now_ , damn it. But the other Senshi were giving it their all, and she could feel her energy fading; she'd expended it too fast.

Then a single rose fell to the ground.

Tuxedo Mask's sudden appearance allowed Makoto the respite she needed, as she rested for a few seconds, watching his powerful magic combine with the other Senshi's attacks to take the monster to the brink of extinction. She allowed herself a quick glance back at Ami. Sailor Mercury seemed stable, but seeing her lying on the ground, motionless, provoked a new wave of anger in Makoto. She returned her full attention to the monster, and with an animalistic growl unleashed a new series of cyclones.

The last of them connected at the same time as a stream of fire from Rei. Finally, the monster crumpled, then evaporated into a smoke not unlike Rei's incense.

The others rushed forward to see if anything was left behind, but Makoto ran immediately to Ami. She knelt behind the girl, her backside resting on her heels, and pulled Ami's head onto her lap. "Amin? Amin! Are you all right?"

Ami groaned, then fluttered her eyes before shutting them again with a wince. "My head," she moaned. Without thinking, Makoto leaned down to kiss her forehead. Then she looked up to see four alarmed and slightly confused Sailor Senshi and an ever-aloof Tuxedo Mask.

Her first thought was that if they'd already made it back to her, the past minute or so must have been more on the scale of five minutes, accelerated in her mind by fear and worry. Her second thought was: _Oh, shit. They must have seen me kiss her._

Rei cleared her throat and stepped forward. "I think you could do with some rest," she whispered to Ami, who groaned an agreement. Rei pulled a charm from inside her dress and pressed it to Ami's cheek.

Makoto forced down the feeling of jealousy at seeing another girl touch Ami's face — this was Rei-chan, after all, their friend, the healer — and focused her attention on the charm. _無事_ , it read: _peace_. As the magic glow from the charm seeped into Ami's skin, she softly moaned again, but this time in relief. Her face fell against Makoto's leg as she entered her deep sleep.

All were silent for a moment. "I don't think she should be in her empty apartment," Mamoru said at last. Makoto smiled inwardly; she forgot sometimes that he often shared Ami's caring, analytical tendencies. She was grateful to him now. And not, she knew, in a friendly or motherly sort of way. More in the way of a girlfriend. But Ami wasn't her girlfriend, she had to remind herself. Only a fantasy...

"I agree," Rei said, still crouched at Ami's side. She met Makoto's eye, and Makoto knew instantly that neither the kiss nor the _Amin_ had escaped her notice. "Mako-chan," Rei continued, "would you mind if we took her back to yours?"

Makoto's mind raced: her apartment was not the nearest. Rei must have had some reason for asking her specifically... But it didn't matter. She knew her answer, had known it before Rei had even asked. "Yes. Of course," she breathed.

* * *

 

When Ami came to, she felt the cushions underneath her. A couch, not a bed, she realized, the thought oddly clear amidst her general confusion. She opened her eyes, but her vision seemed incomplete. She could just make out the shape of someone with long hair beside her. "Mm—Mako-chan?" she whispered.

"Oh!" The figure sounded happy — and a bit amused, perhaps? She took Ami's hand in hers: kindly, even lovingly, but not with the closeness with which Makoto would have done. "Mako-chan's asleep," Minako said. "I'll get her. We've all been taking it in shifts."

"Oh, no, don't wake her," Ami said in the weak tones of someone awakening from anesthesia.

"No, she'll want me to," Minako assured her, then patted her hand.

As she left, Ami pulled herself up slightly. Her eyes adjusted to let her see she was in Makoto's apartment, a space by now nearly as familiar as her own. A series of questions struck her. For instance: she was a bright woman, and long or not, Mina's hair looked nothing like Mako's. How could she have mistaken her?

That answer came quickly. _Wishful thinking._ More than once she had wished Makoto would care for her as more than a motherly friend.

But how she had gotten there was foggy. She was reasonably sure Makoto had taken her head in her lap. But had Rei really performed a charm on her to make her sleep, or had that been in a dream? More importantly: was Makoto's kiss real or imagined? And _Amin_ , a name neither she nor anyone else had ever used with Ami before? It was so unlikely that Ami would have written it off, but it seemed so real...

"Ami-chan?" Makoto appeared beside her, her look of concern fading slightly when Ami smiled up at her. She pushed away the chair Minako had been using, making room for her long legs as she sat on the edge of the couch next to Ami. _Her beautiful long legs_ , Ami thought absently. "You're all right?" Makoto asked quietly.

Ami smiled lightly. "A bit worse for wear," she admitted, "but I'll be just fine."

"Oh, thank god." Makoto leaned over to wrap her in an awkward embrace. "I was so worried."

"I know you were," Ami murmured as she reached up to affectionately rub Makoto's back, or rather, her shoulder blade. And somehow, she did know, despite having been unconscious the whole time.

Makoto tucked her head in closer to Ami to place a gentle kiss in the crook of her neck. It was a more explicitly romantic gesture than she'd normally have made, but after all that, she couldn't stop herself. Besides, she thought, if Ami thought anything of it, she'd just attribute it to the pressure of the night. And she wouldn't be entirely wrong, after all.

Behind them, the guardian of love and beauty silently watched and smiled to herself. Yes, she thought, her suspicions seemed to be very true...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not particularly fond of this chapter, honestly. It's cute and I'm happy with the storyline for sure, but it doesn't stick to the song as much as the others. And I just don't feel I've captured them as well as usual... Ugh.

_So just remember, I am your defender_  
_I won't let you stand there on your own_  
_No matter what they tell you, I will not surrender_  
_Now until forever, you will never be alone_

Makoto closed her eyes in bliss. The last time the Sailor Senshi had been to Rei's mountainside retreat, Rei had been on her own secret mission, spying on the Death Busters. This time, it was just for a break from Tokyo life - no hidden intentions. In Rei's mind, it was a time for solemn reflection and meditation; in Usagi's, it was a time for catching tan, sleeping in, and having fun.

"Morning, Mako-chan!" Ami broke into Makoto's thoughts. _Not_ that she minded... "Guess we're the only ones up." She smiled.

Makoto raised an eyebrow. "Not even Rei-chan?"

"She got up earlier, but I guess she went back to bed." Ami shrugged and dropped onto the long seat next to Makoto. "It's just you and me, babe," she said sweetly.

_It's a platonic "babe." A friend "babe,"_ Makoto tried to tell herself. But was she imagining things, or was Ami strangely lively today, almost... flirtatious?

Ami drew in a breath, quietly enough that someone less attuned to her natural breath patterns wouldn't have noticed. "You know, Mako-chan," she said, "have you ever thought about how good we are for each other? We always seem to be saving each other."

Oh, boy, had Makoto _ever_ thought about it. Every night when she was alone, for starters. "Well, Usagi-chan's not going to do it," she joked.

Ami chuckled. "True enough," she agreed. "But — I'm glad I have you in my life, Mako-chan."

Makoto turned to her and smiled. "I'm glad I have you too, Ami-chan." She exhaled heavily. "I'm very glad." She reached over to take Ami's hand and was rewarded with a warm smile, as expected. But underneath it seemed to be something else. Discomfort? "Something wrong, Ami-chan?"

Ami shook her head, then looked down at their hands. "Mako-chan..." she began tentatively, "since we like each other so much... and we're so good for each other... do you think we might want to try being even more?"

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked. "What could make things any better?" Well, she had a pretty good idea of one thing that would make them better, but aside from that...

Ami mumbled something. Ah, there was her sweet, anxious, introverted geek again. "I didn't hear that, Ami-chan?" Makoto said gently.

"I said, we could date," Ami said so quietly it was practically a whisper. "Only if you want to!" she added hastily as she withdrew her hand. "We don't have to! I'd be happy staying friends. I just love you so much, Mako-chan - as a friend, I mean - but..." She trailed off. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Forget I —"

"Ami." Makoto ignored the tears forming in her eyes. "I don't want to forget. I ... do want to." Finally she was forced to dab at her eyes. "I didn't think you would!" she laughed.

Ami blushed - and beamed. "You're sure?" she asked.

Makoto melted. "Positive." She shifted an inch over to close the tiny gap between them and snuggle against Ami, laying her head on the smaller girl's shoulder and taking her hand again. "I couldn't do without my defender."

Ami pressed up against her too. "Nor I."

Makoto looked up to face her. The two smiled at each other until Makoto broke the silence. "I'm going to kiss you now," she said solemnly. Ami half-smiled and closed her eyes expectantly.

Ami, the sweet, smart, quiet girl she'd loved for so long. Who had protected her. Whom she had protected. _Who loved her._

She connected the kiss. Ami's lips were as soft as she'd always imagined. (Makoto's were just as soft as Ami had always imagined.)

When they parted, they could only stare at each other happily. "So, _are_ we girlfriends?" Makoto asked as she fidgeted slightly, though more from excitement than nerves.

Ami beamed again. "I think so."

Makoto abruptly scooted down the seat to make room to drop her head in Ami's lap, and smiled widely as she gazed up at her.

"There's no one I'd rather be with," she murmured, more to herself than to Ami.

Ami blushed. "Really?" she asked softly.

Makoto reached up to stroke a lock of Ami's hair. "Absolutely."

* * *

Two girls watched the scene unfold from the window. "Knew it'd happen by now," Minako said. "You owe me a juice."

Rei sighed. "Fine." She returned her attention to the girls outside, now laughing and cuddling and repeatedly kissing - on the lips now, not the forehead or cheeks as they always had before. "It's about time," she muttered.

Minako grinned. "Yeah. It is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12 points to anyone who caught the ['90s pop song reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d73tiBBzvFM&t=41).


	5. Chapter 5

**Epilogue — A Year Later**

Makoto pulled her cake from the oven and looked over to see Rei setting the table.

She smiled to herself. All of their friends would be there to celebrate her and Ami's first anniversary. A full year together...

A thought struck her. "Hey, Rei-chan," she called. "I've never understood something."

Rei didn't even look up from her task. "Proper respect for a shrine?" she asked dryly.

Makoto grinned. "No, no. That night after the battle." She didn't even have to specify which one, though there had been dozens... "Why did you send Ami back here? Usagi-chan's house would have been closer."

Now Rei did look up, and met Makoto's eye with a smile. "Two reasons," she said. "One: I thought it would be best for her to wake up somewhere familiar. If not her apartment, yours was the next best choice."

"And two?"

"I wanted her to be somewhere she was especially loved."

_No way, I won't surrender_   
_I'm here, now till forever_   
_Hold on, we're in this together_   
_You know I'm your defender_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws gay confetti*


End file.
